Song: “Not At Home”

So today I am going to talk about the first song that I wrote and recorded during this phase of creativity.  “Not At Home” started off as a song about a recent change in circumstances my family has undergone, however it was a very emotional subject and the lyrics ended up being just bitter and horrible.  However I liked the medody I had developed and, as a demo, had already recorded the middle section where I sing “you’re not at home”over and over again.

In the end the song became about a relationship that never happened.  It’s based on a true story, although I have fleshed out the reality of what actually happened to make the song more coherent, in the song its suggested that the relationship failed due to cultural differences between me and her, whereas the reality was they actually prevented anything from happening in the first place (as far as I could tell, I’m not actually sure what the hell happened!)

Anyhow, here are the lyrics to “Not At Home”:

I met you several times before and I knew I that liked you,
You gave me indications that you felt the same way too.
If words were left unspoken, its because I didn’t dare
to expose us to the truth in case you didn’t care.
You say I’m not your normal type, it would have to be explained
to all your friends and family who you have sort of trained
a certain expectation of what you are longing for,
so I’m kept at a distance and I’m feeling kind of raw.

It’s always unrequited but is it love or is it not?
Have we both got too much to lose too scared we’ll lose the plot?
I dream that we we’re together and our hearts will never roam,
But when my eyes are opened I see that you are not at home…

I feel a kind of energy buzzing every time we meet,
But I’m too scared to take your hand as we’re walking down the street.
I’m still not sure it’s what you want, because I’m too scared to ask,
I’d rather have your friendship still than have you take me to task…

It’s always unrequited but is it love or is it not?
Have we both got too much to lose too scared we’ll lose the plot?
I dream that we we’re together and our hearts will never roam,
But when my eyes are open I see that you are not at home… not at home…

You’re not at home, you’re not at home.
You’re not at home, you’re not at home.

I know the time is coming where I will have to decide
The things I want to say to you, the things I’ve tried to hide.
To expose all my feelings is it really worth a kiss?
Is it better unrequited or will you just take the piss?
Will you ever lie in bed with me with our limbs intertwined
A two part soul in ecstasy our human flesh combined.
Or am I modern London and you just Ancient Rome?
Who’ll never be together, who’s never coming home.

You’re not at home, you’re not at home.
You’re not at home, you’re not at home.

Here is a link to the finished song on SoundCloud:

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